Goodbye Shame!

In this episode, Terri tackles the ineffective use of hiding anxiety or shaming oneself for not being stronger or more resilient. Terri shares her personal journey, revealing how the shame associated with anxiety and panic attacks overwhelmed her physically, emotionally, and mentally. Through her story, discover how to protect your holistic health by letting go of inner messages of shame and embarrassment. Learn compassionate strategies for dealing with anxiety and embracing your true self. Check out the Self-Compassion Quick Start Guide.

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Transcript

Welcome to Anchored Not Anxious. This is where you gain a deep belief your life matters to God and discover the anchoring practices to manage anxiety and worry. I'm Terri Hutchinson, your host. This episode is about the shame lurking in the shadow of anxiety. Let's discover how to ditch the shame for self-compassion to live better. I'm a nurse who loves to research health related topics. In my research on anxiety, U.S. women responded to surveys about anxiety and reflected on the shame, embarrassment, need to hide anxiety and their use of denial. The survey responses resonated with me. I am one of those women. During and after the pandemic, anxiety rose to new levels causing it to be an important concern to the medical community. However in the past the medical community has failed women in this area. In recent years the U.S. health system alongside mental health organizations are working to de-stigmatize the term mental health. Anxiety falls under that category. Management techniques like hiding your anxiety or shaming yourself for not being stronger or more resilient do not work. Some of us manage it by shoving it down deep. Others retreat from or avoid trigger situations and people. I'm a shover. I tried shoving deep the anxiety during the period of my life involving many major changes. Here's what happened. I moved from a Northern state to a Southern state. I left my clinical research job for an oncology hospital position. Shortly after arriving in our new home, our beloved dog passed away. Then in August four months after I moved, my mom unexpectedly died because of undiagnosed cancer. Through the loss while trying to learn a new position at the hospital left me drained. But more was to come. My commute to the hospital was 70 minutes. And in September, not one, but two hurricanes came up the east coast. I drove in darkness through torrential rains and navigated the back roads while the highways were reversed for evacuation. The pressure of a new job, a lack of friends, grieving two I love dearly and the demanding drive with weather was too much. But, I convinced myself I'm handling it all because those around me said I was handling it all. And so very well. Until one morning commute. As I speed to work on the interstate, my car dashboard lit up with flashing yellow and red, and the car began slowing down. The warning lights pushed my nervous system over the edge. Panic setting as I drove the car to the roadside. A tow truck came, the car was fixed, but I was broken. Like a volcano under pressure, panic attacks erupted unannounced for nine days with several attacks a day. I thought I'd lose my mind. The first three days I thought I could control it. The fourth day I contacted my doctor asking for medication. Day five to nine I suffered through until the meds stabilized and calmed my fragile mental state and nervous system. It wasn't just my mind under attack, but my organ systems well. Over the next few months, my hair started falling out. I startled easily. I had trouble concentrating. The serial panic attacks altered my heart rhythm. Now I required medication for SVTs. The anxiety became an enormous deal for me. But anxiety wasn't the enemy. Anxiety is an important part of survival. It's our body's natural response to a threat. But when it's an overdrive it feels like your opponent without your permission. Anxiety attempts to take over your emotional and physical responses. The best move is to address it early on. I did not address my anxiety for two reasons. First, I hid my anxiety and the panic attacks from my health providers, because I'm a nurse and I felt I should be more resilient. Second, when I risked speaking about anxiety to health providers back in the late 1980s I was tagged with labels. You know, labels like high, strong, emotional, needy. Things have changed, but those labels wounded me. Today many primary care and other non mental health medical professionals are listening when women bravely discussing anxiety or consistent worry. But shame tells us not to talk about it. Did you know, it's not unusual for followers of Jesus to shame themselves for being worried or anxious. The message is more faith, more trust in the Lord. Let's take a look at Jesus. He understood stress. During his time on earth, the people surrounded him in order to be healed. Many were seeking to kill him. Others wanted him to be a king, not a Savior. He had pressure to do the will of the Father and not his own. When Luke 22 says Jesus, sweat drops of blood, this is a real physiological response to severe emotional distress and torturous mental contemplation. In Jesus's case, he did not lack faith. The enormity of taking on the sins of the world, overwhelmed him. Jesus knows about stress. He knows what you go through. Your most self compassionate act is releasing the shame and claiming anxiety or worry as a state you experience. Your second self-compassionate act is recognizing anxiety is not your identity. Identifying yourself as an anxious person, doesn't do justice to the richness of who you are. Anxiety comes upon you. It's a state of being, but it does not define you. Shame, denial, pushing it aside, works against you and prevents quality of life. If anxiety and worry is chronic, it's getting in your way, and not just a one and done, then be kind to your body and find ways to manage it. In my story, I chose medication to restore a normal physiological state. Now I use multiple practices for mental and emotional and physical calm. As a nurse, I cannot talk about anxiety and worry and ignore how it hurts your physical health. Did you know that what you feel in your body may actually be a product of anxiety and stress? Because I want you to be the best you can be. Here's a brief rundown of how your body can be affected by chronic worry, anxiety or stress. Your heart rhythm can change. Increased blood pressure harms your arteries and your kidneys. Your immune system is weakened making you vulnerable to viruses and bacterial infections. Under high stress the endocrine system increases blood sugar and high blood sugar stresses the kidneys. The digestive system responds to anxiety and worry with increased stomach acid paving the way for heartburn esophagitis or ulcers. The reproductive system takes a hit by altering fertility and creating ED problems. Anxiety worry or stress kill your ability to fall and stay asleep. Finally, the musculoskeletal system becomes increasingly tense putting you at risk for strains and pain. Cranial and facial muscles tightened creating headaches and jaw issues. This health picture shows the interconnectedness of the emotional, mental, and physical. If you're looking for an action plan, consider taking a self scoring online anxiety, worry or stress quiz. Next, take a few moments and think over the past month, what physical symptoms have you experienced that stress or anxiety may be causing? Often we fail to link our physical symptoms to our mental and emotional state. Some other options include looking at your medical insurance plan. Does it provide telehealth visits with the behavioral health provider? Maybe it allows you to get medical massage for those chronic headaches. Be kind to yourself. Self care and self compassion are not indulgent. Your health depends on it. Go to the podcast web page and find the links to the anxiety and stress self-assessments and a Self-Compassion Quick Start Guide. I created five self-compassion quick practices you can establish right away. You can do any of these in your car, at lunch, or anywhere you're on the go. Thank you for listening until next time.