Break Comparison Anxiety: Get Your True Identity From Christ

In a culture seeking self-definition and comparison, how do we find our true identity? Join host Terri as she sits down with Beth Steffaniak—pastor's wife, biblical counselor, and Bible study author—for an honest conversation about the exhausting cycle of measuring ourselves against others and the peace found in letting Christ define who we are.

Beth shares her personal journey of getting "sidetracked by the marketing machine" and how she learned to build her identity on the solid foundation of Christ. Together, they explore why that gnawing feeling of discontent might actually be God's way of redirecting our hearts toward Him. And what it practically looks like to live as someone who is deeply loved by God.

This conversation offers hope for anyone tired of the comparison trap and ready to experience the peace, love, and security that comes from knowing your true identity in Jesus.

You'll discover how to root in God’s unconditional love and get specific Bible verses that anchor your identity in Christ. 

Check out Beth Steffaniak on Amazon here.

Here's her blog post on identity in Christ with Bible verses.

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Transcript

 Welcome to Anchored Not Anxious. I'm here with my guest, Beth Steffaniak. I first met Beth at a She Speaks conference in 2017 through Proverbs 31 Ministries. Since then, we've supported each other on our individual journeys. You know, you just meet someone and it sticks. Beth is a pastor's wife, mom of three adult sons, and four grandkids.

She also practices as a biblical counselor and serves at her church in Pinehurst, North Carolina as Bible study leader. In her free time, she enjoys playing with her grandkids, watercolor, painting, prayer, walking in the woods and meeting with friends over a good cup of coffee. 

I love coffee too. So Beth, is there anything you'd like to add to your bio?  

Beth:

Well, as you might tell, I love studying the Bible. It has really become my greatest passion and joy over the past, I'd say 10 years. And amazingly, God has enabled me to write and publish several Bible studies using a method for studying, applying, and praying scripture that I developed years ago.

I've had the pleasure of taking, uh, several women's groups, um, through my church, through the studies. Um, I, I've done a study in Romans called, uh, a Grace series, and I've also done, um, lessons in prayer weaving most recently, which is based on King David's prayer patterns. But I really just love studying and learning from God's word. 

Terri:

You know, I've gone through at least one of your studies and I loved it. Beth, I'm so glad we are talking on claiming your identity in Christ to counter comparison. But before we get into our conversation on identity, I want to define that word based on the Miriam Webster Dictionary. It says identity is the distinguishing character or personality of an individual.

And so I started thinking about all the ways we identify ourselves in media, through email, face-to-face. We do it by profession, what we've accomplished, what we look like, race, color, gender, by what we possess, financial, intellectual; our disabilities. 

We define ourselves by chronic illness and we define ourselves by who is in our circle, family, friends, influencers. And then, of course, by what we believe religious faith or an absence of belief in a higher power. 

There's numerous ways I can compare myself to someone else, and if I'm not doing a comparison, marketing is asking me to do it.  I believe comparison creates low level stress and anxiety because it rarely affirms your identity.  Comparison, seeks, similarities, not uniqueness. Marketing says you need to look like that, not like you. 

Beth:

Yes. I think that's very obvious in all the messaging we hear from the media today.  I, for one, have gotten sidetracked and sucked into the marketing machine using comparison as my guide for how I feel about myself and my identity.  I think that's because I, when I compare myself to others, I base my identity off of a negative perspective while viewing others from an unrealistic and positive lens.

I give them the benefit of the doubt, but I often look at all the ways who I am is not as good as someone else. It's like the proverbial glass is half empty. Naturally, as humans, we all thirst for a full glass of God's grace, even if we don't know what that's, that's what we're really longing for.

But drinking God's grace involves knowing and embracing his view of us, both the good and the bad, as well as the good, mostly of who he is. 

Terri:

You know, I like that image. Drinking God's grace. It's something we do not do enough. God gets that. We are a work in process.

In my research on identity. Gen Z in particular feels they have to get it right, meaning their identity and Generation X is also searching for identity, particularly as they move into role changes.

In 2022, Darrell Dash wrote about the danger of false identities, uh, identities like. Performance status, popularity, lifestyle, exclusivity. I mean, all those identities are built on shifting sand. So I guess the question is what truth can anchor someone who is struggling with identity? 

Beth:

Actually, I think we are all like those Gen Zers. We want to get our identity right. It's just that I personally, as a believer, just diverge from the approach many Gen, secular Gen Zers take because I don't rely on my own view of myself to determine my identity. I know myself well enough to recognize that I will not get my identity right when my identity is left up to my knowledge, my understanding, my self-awareness.

All of those things are skewed. Why would I wanna base my self-esteem on something that goes up and down all the time? If I just look at myself on a given day. It's kind of like shifting the sand, the sand you talked about Terri earlier. That's why I can't imagine putting that much weight on myself and my decision making to discover who I am.

Nor can I expect  any degree of accuracy for knowing what identity represents me best.  So here's what I do to get it right. I start by building my identity on the only right and solid foundation there is on the rock, or as he might be better known Christ.  As someone who has received Christ's gift of grace, forgiveness, and salvation, through my faith in Him, I have the right foundation for knowing my new identity, my true identity. 

I realized long ago that I could not save myself, and that my sins prevented me from being accepted by God, which also kept me from fully accepting myself. Yeah, we have to come to something of a reckoning. To do this, we must recognize that our sins, even just one of them condemns us to an eternity in hell.

That is, if we reject Jesus Christ, we miss out on his salvation.  Here's what Romans 6 23 says about this gift for the wages of sin is death. “The gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus.” Our Lord Christ is the one I allowed to define me and to provide my new identity. 

You know, that hungry knowing, sense of dissatisfaction or emptiness, we all feel about life at times, Terri?

Terri:

Yeah. 

Beth:

We feel this way when we get sidetracked by those things you mentioned. You mentioned identity centered on performance, status, popularity, lifestyle. All of those things do not matter when it comes to who we are in Christ.  When we do that, we settle for less than God's best for us. Ironically, that gnawing feeling of discontentment is actually a good thing. 

It's like a smoke or fire alarm within our hearts. God wired humans to feel dissatisfaction and insecurity. When we look for satisfaction and contentment apart from Christ, we should not feel threatened by these things, these feelings, but rather see them as a motivation to readjust our focus on Jesus. 

Terri:

I like that with the smoke alarm in our hearts. I think that after high school, you know, confidence and identity were a struggle and I did have this gnawing feeling like there had to be more. Right? You know, the choices I was making were not good. And, but I didn't know that there- what better choice there was.

And so when I finally chose Jesus as my anchor and hope. That gave me an identity unaffected by the changing nature of life.  So how does someone develop their identity in Christ? An identity based on unique God designed characteristics?  

Beth:

Well, lemme just say it first. If you remain resistant to Christ, you will not find the right identity that you are so desperately hungering for.

You will settle for less and that will likely make you more defensive with anyone who questions your definition of who you believe you are or the identity you have chosen.  If you receive or have received Christ's gift of salvation, you must walk with him. You must establish and deepen your sense of identity by looking to God in His word for who he says you are in Christ and because you have received Christ, you will want to do these things.

A couple of verses that have helped me develop my identity in Christ are: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in, the body I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.” That's Galatians 2:20.   

Terri:

Oh, that's the verse. The words, Christ lives in me and who loved me.  You know, going back again in my twenties, those words actually got my attention. Christ loves me. I mean it took a while to believe that that was true. 

Beth:

I mean, those are important words and they draw us in. But another verse that I really love is found in Isaiah 54:5 because it reminds me of my intimate relationship with Christ.

It says, “For your maker is your husband. The Lord Almighty is his name. The holy one of Israel is your redeemer. He is called the ear God of the all the earth.”

There are so many other scriptures, Terri, that reveal who we are as believers. For example, God's word says, I'm a child of God, cohere with Christ, uh, the temple of the Holy Spirit, God's treasure and masterpiece. I'm chosen. I'm holy accepted. I'm known by God and so on. 

I posted an article on this topic on my blog, and it includes not only a long list of Bible verses about our identity in Christ, but also provides a link to a colorful printout of these positions believers hold.  Can I share a link to the post in your show notes, Terri?

Terri:

Oh, yes, of course. I think it sounds super helpful. 

Beth:

Not only do we need to anchor our hearts in understanding, in the truths of who God says we are in Christ, we must remind ourselves of these truths every day, praying for God to help us navigate the challenges and  integrate these truths about who we are into our hearts and lives. 

I know that the more I apply them to my life, the more they feel authentic to me and others. For example, when I remind myself. I am forgiven that Christ forgives me a vital aspect of my new identity. I feel more motivated to forgive others.    

God then blesses and grows my graciousness toward and compassion for others. When I allow God to work through my attitudes and actions, I actually become more true to myself, the new me in Christ, than when I operate from my natural leanings or my human efforts. 

Terri:

Oh yes. Natural leanings and human efforts. You know, I did a podcast several months ago on living as if you're performing for God, believing you, you must prove your worth to him. I think, yeah, once we claim that identity, then we think we have to, you know, somehow convince God that we're worth loving and being known by him.

Beth, what can someone expect if they identify as and live as one loved by God? 

Beth:

You don't hear about that very often in the media, do you?  

Terri:

No.  

Beth:

First, I'd say spiritual battles will likely fire up when we do that, when we claim Christ is our savior. Satan does not like, like seeing us identify with Christ and let Christ define us, especially knowing we are loved by God.

He will tempt us to doubt that, especially if we veer from reminding ourselves daily that we are loved by God. 

Terri:

Yeah. And that reminding yourself daily is drinking God's grace. 

Beth:

Yep. That big, tall glass of grace of the Lord. Satan will tempt you to do these things in your own strengths, feeling as if God's grace and power are not enough to give you what you desire.

And one way to combat the compulsion to perform for God, I believe, is to remember that God loved us even before we receive Christ as our savior and continues to love us every single day. Even when we mess up, we don't have to prove anything to him because Christ did all the proving invalidating for us.

In fact, Romans 8:1 says God no longer condemns us. Those he redeemed. Bottom line, the very fact that God loved us so much that he sent his son to die for us when we were still sinners screams of how much God loves us and wants to be in relationship with us. 

Therefore. As believers, we can also expect, and this is the good stuff, so much more from God, when we anchor ourselves in Christ after I unwrap his gift of forgiveness on salvation, God also gives every believer the best life possible now, in any eternity.

I'm not talking prosperity here. But a piece that defies understanding a love that removes all barriers, a hope that endures into eternity.  He's even a companion that comforts and guides at every turn in our lives. However, it is so easy to lose sight of the blessings of being in Christ when we do not immerse ourselves regularly in the truths of who we are in Christ. 

Terri:

Yeah, life never stops bringing chaos, drama, and trouble, all things to make us anxious, worried and stressed, plugging into Jesus and the word.  That's like charging up your peace and hope. 

Beth:

Yeah, we have to stay plugged in, that's for sure. So we focus daily on and live out what the scriptures say is true so that we can find joy and hope in every hardship.

It tells us how to view ourselves. This allows us to walk in the confidence of Christ when our lives spiral so we can feel secure, accepted, and blessed even when others' lives look so much better than ours.  God enables us to experience peace and comfort whenever we keep our focus on not only who we are in Christ, but whose we are, his precious bride and his beloved child.  

Terri:

Oh, yes, all of us. Every one of us are made in God's image, belong to him, and we are beautiful things. Oh, Beth, this, this has been such a rich conversation. 

Beth:

Yeah,  so great topic, Terri. 

Terri:

Oh, you're welcome. You're welcome.  Listeners, you need to check out our blog and I'm gonna put the link in the transcript as well as the episode description. But Beth, don't you have an Amazon author page? 

Beth:

Yes, I do. And since I have such a difficult last name, I'd appreciate you just putting, if anybody goes to Amazon, they can just put in my name, Beth Steffaniak, and all the books that I've written will come up.

Um, they're on Amazon, so that's the easiest way to find my books, honestly. 

Yeah, I did that and you've got a lot of books. I think that's great. I'm so proud of you.  Thank you. Oh, wow. Well, everyone, thank you for listening. I hope you will check out not only, on Amazon, but that you also click on that link, check out her blog. And join me on my Facebook page at Terri L. Hutchinson or Anchored Not Anxious. Also catch the Monday videos along with this podcast at YouTube.