Anchored Not Anxious
Welcome to Anchored Not Anxious, Anxiety and worry may manipulate your mind and emotions, but it is not your identity. My anxiety journey equips me to mentor women with anxiety and worry. Find wisdom and realistic encouragement while gaining an unshakeable trust in God. It's possible with practical, faith-rooted anchoring practices. You belong here.
Hosted by Terri Hutchinson, a compassionate nurse and mentor.
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Anchored Not Anxious
Break Free from the Mental Replay: How to Stop Post-Event Processing
Most people post-event process a meeting, a date, or a social gathering. It’s normal unless it takes a downward spiral.
Post-event processing is a form of social anxiety.
Terri uses a real-life day-after processing example and why insecurities and self-doubt become the catalyst for anxiety. Move from a negative to a positive mindset.
Your mind does not get to sabotage your life.
Click this link to access your free Post Event Prompts and Journal Pages.
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Our conversation flowed at lunch. Laughter, smiles, good food. I said to myself when we separated, "she is so likable". The morning after I sent a text, “Had fun, need to do it again.” So late afternoon I checked my phone for a response, but nothing. As 24 hours turned into 72, uneasiness and insecurity invited my mind to dissect what transpired during our lunch.
Did I say something wrong? Oh, maybe I gabbed too long about myself. Was I too friendly? Did I spill TMI? Was she bored? Accusations against myself, tumbled forth.
In this episode, I'm describing the pros and cons of post-event processing, why it triggers overthinking and anxiety and what you can do to move beyond it.
Day after processing is something I have done for numerous years. I replay the dialogue and nonverbal reactions after meetings or group social settings. Post-event processing is actually a form of social anxiety. Many of us post-event process after an interview, a date, a one-on-one, or a social event.
The processing has two modes: beneficial or negative.
The benefits of post-event processing include greater self-awareness. You learn to better communicate and connect with others by observing both your non-verbal and verbal cues as well as the other party.
Recalling the conversation in a positive mode can improve your communication skills, mood, and self-esteem.
Post-event processing in a negative mode weave all the negative beliefs you have about yourself into the replay. Insecurity, self-critique, regret, fear of rejection, and doubt taunt you as you replay word spoken and the nonverbal exchanges
It comes from a lack of confidence in your worth, fear of rejection, or a feeling of awkwardness in social situations. All of it blurs your perspective.
The mind tells you; you are insignificant, interesting, not smart enough, or unattractive.
So two things are happening:
- we struggle to believe in our worth and being proud of who we are.
- we make it about us.
In my situation, I made it about me. Recognizing this, I ceased the replay and focused on the logical reasons for not receiving a response to my text. There's timing, busyness, something else is a higher priority or communication preferences.
All of it has no bearing on what I said or did or didn't do during that lunch.
Yeah, it sounds so simple, right? Stop the replay and respond to the self critique with logic. Yeah. Maybe for others, but not for me.
For the next four days, I struggled to stop the replay. The overthinking and replay hit me while I vacuumed the floor, driving to the store, and so on. The same doubts and judgements came forth, even though I didn't want to entertain it.
The adverse effect of post-event processing is you feel worse. Rarely better. You are attempting to mind-read what the other party or parties felt and thought. Hey, who doesn't want to put their best self forward?
I do, but as much as I try to do that, I don't get to control how or why my fellow human responds, thinks, or feels. The other negative aspect of post-event processing is the overthinking and rumination costs mental energy.
Your mind becomes preoccupied. This is particularly detrimental at work or where you need to have a single focus. Being present in the present helps prevent errors or poor decision making.
Post-event processing can increase insecurity and insecurity Impairs your ability to foster healthy relationships in any setting.
What can we do to take our mind back and control the overthinking?
First, if you post-event process often know you will need to be patient and non-judgmental toward yourself throughout the work you are going to do.
Second, postpone the replay. When it starts, tell your mind, NOT NOW. Especially when the replay tries to steal mental energy as you work on a particular task or project.
Third, as you process the event, write the negative thoughts you have about yourself. These thoughts in a journal, in a word doc, create separation between. Those thoughts and you, and this allows you to challenge the truth of each one.
Next, take those negative beliefs and thoughts to God. Ask him to show you the truth in the situation. Ask God to remind you of your worth as a human and as his child.
And finally, if post-event processing keeps you from a life lived well, then it's time to let a professional counselor help. The mind does not get to sabotage your life.
Get the most out of the visits with your counselor by writing in a journal. Briefly describe the event and your thoughts from post-event processing. These notes will guide the conversation and assist the counselor as well.
In case you're wondering, several weeks went by and I never got a text or any other communication from that person. It stings a bit. But I'm not processing the lunch and I'm not assigning any judgment or blame.
It feels good to control day after processing, and I can get this area of my mind to behave and control its effect on my anxiety. But it starts with letting the Lord quiet insecurity and dispel the uneasiness.
Well, I hope this helps you. If you know a friend or family member who might benefit, share the podcast.
Find the tips I mentioned in the episode description along with a journal page containing prompts. Thank you for listening. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and you can get the monthly anchored not anxious care letter too.
Find the link in the episode description. Let's thrive together. Until next time.
